Pancho, a fluffy black and brown dog with a grey muzzle, sitting on a lawn and smiling at the camera

The internet proudly presents

10 years old 50% golden retriever 100% after your dinner

Narrated by Pancho

Hello.
It’s me.

I’m Pancho. I’m ten. I’m half golden retriever and half a lot of other breeds. Nobody knows which ones. Not even me.

I’m black and brown with some white bits and, these days, a distinguished amount of grey.

Pancho in noble profile, sitting on a yellow velvet chair in front of a dark blue wall Very
good
boy
Me. Thinking about sausages, but make it fashion.
Live · right now Pancho is probably Asleep.

Mind-reading technology

What is Pancho thinking?

Press the button. I’ll think of something.

Thought № 0
Close-up of Pancho’s face, one brown eye looking sideways at the camera

Now taking messages

Speak with
Pancho

Say anything. He always replies. He is a dog, so manage your expectations.

Panchoonline · lying down

    The important bit

    Spoil him

    Boop the nose. Give him a treat. Tell him he’s a good boy. Every one is counted, worldwide, forever.

    Pancho sitting on a lap, looking straight down at you
    treats given
    0
    you: 0
    nose boops
    0
    you: 0
    pets
    0
    you: 0
    woofs
    0
    you: 0

    counting worldwide

    Pancho sitting on the kitchen floor, staring up with enormous pleading eyes
    A short playThe Negotiationstarring Pancho & a human with a plate
    Human“Who’s a good boy?”
    Human“I know you are.”
    Human“No. You can’t have my food.”
    Pancho. . .
    Human“No.”
    Pancho. . . . . .
    Human“OK. Have my food.”
    The endUndefeated
    for five years

    A game of skill and thumbs

    Help Pancho catch his flight home

    TURKEY BRITAIN 🐕

    0 km of 3,000

    Tap fast. Stop tapping and he drifts back towards Turkey.

    Five years a street dog in Turkey. Then a human turned up, and one very long flight later I walked into a house with carpets, radiators and a fridge. I found the fridge first.

    Honest reviews from a professional

    Pancho
    rates things

    A scientific study

    The many moods
    of Pancho

    01 / 13

    Breaking news

    The roof
    incident

    One day somebody left a window open. I am not a cat. I went anyway.

    Pancho standing proudly on the flat roof of the extension, next to an open upstairs window. A cat sits on the roof behind him.
    REC CAM 01 · BACK GARDEN
    Dog on roof“The view was excellent,” says dog
    Actual photograph. Not a drill.

    What we know

    • A window was left open.
    • The dog climbed out of it, onto the extension roof.
    • The dog is ten. The dog is not a cat.
    • There was a witness. The witness is a cat.
    • The dog has shown no remorse.

    From up there I could see three gardens, two barbecues and a cat who said nothing. Best day of my life.

    — Pancho, cheeky boy

    My favourite walk is to the pub.

    It’s the only walk with a bar at the end of it. I put my paws up. I make eye contact. I wait. Somebody always cracks.

    Pancho with both front paws up on the bar while someone behind it opens a bag of treats
    “The usual, please.”

    Today’s specials

    • Sausageyes
    • Second sausagealso yes
    • Your bar snacksmine
    • Water, in a bowl, on the floorfine
    • Going homeno

    Shhh

    A field guide
    to napping

    I am a professional. I have been doing this for ten years, sixteen hours a day. These are my signature positions.

      Holiday snaps, mostly of me

      The scrapbook

      tap a photo to make it big